Intoxicated with madness
I'm in love with my sadness
There's nothing cool or romantic or decadent about being sick.
But it's so much more cooler and romantic and decadent being alive, feeling alive, loving those moments of happiness. There's no reason whatsoever to miss those times when you were at the bottom. That was not something to feel proud of. That was not something you'd want for someone else. Why would you want that for yourself? WHY ON EARTH?! Why would you be such a bad person, why would you be less worthy than anyone else? Think about it. Why?
If I say that you have to believe, it makes no difference. I'll say it anyway.
There will be a day when you realize that something has changed. Your reflection will start to look like a human again. The pain will slowly fade away, dust in the dimension of time. Things will feel meaningful again. This I promise. Believe.